I’m A Warrior Of Love, Just Like You

Planet Yabadada sword fighting inner demons

I call myself a Warrior of Love. An ancient Princess Warrior, obviously, just like Xena.

Not necessarily because I love everything and everyone. Rather, it’s because I try my hardest, most of the time, to nurture even the slightest potential of Love in the given situation or with a given person or another being. It’s because I’m trying my best to keep Love behind every decision, every action, every word, every thought.

I might already sound like Budha, but bear with me, I’m far from enlightenment. I’m only striving for the ideal. So here comes the Warrior part.

When I need to pull myself together emotionally, I picture myself as an ancient Warrioress – prepared, strong, humble, calm yet alert. I don’t go to pick fights, I’m wise enough to know better. I’m standing at the top of the hill, overlooking my precious Fortress where my Goddess named Love lives. I climb up here with the sunrise and climb back down by dawn. I spend my days training my body, mind, and soul to have the tools and resources to defend her.

But sometimes I fall asleep. Or get so confident in my skills and technique that my attention starts wandering around, I let myself look away from my Fortress and start gazing at the cloud formations. This would be all jolly good but eventually, you get blinded by the Sun.

And that’s when they like to come for a visit, the attackers. And they don’t come from the skies. They come from below, from the dark sticky smothery depths of the Earth.

It’s rather annoying when they sneak up from behind and hurt my pride. I can get frightened to lose the divine protective warming light from my Goddess in the form of trust and purpose. I must learn that the training never stops. It might get easier but it never stops.

But who are they, you may wonder, them attackers?

The demons. The filthy manifestations of all the negativity that causes pain and suffering in my heart and every other beating heart on this planet: Guilt, Shame, Hate, Anger, Frustration, Irritation, Loneliness, Fear, Jealousy, Resentment, Judgment, to name a few ugliest ones.

Sometimes I’m alone at that mountain top. I might be alone for days or months or even years. But eventually, I receive company, warriors like me. Some become my teachers, others – my students. You never know which one will be which, most of them are both, though.

We train together, we train each other.

Warriors don’t fight other warriors. Our demons, though, can fight each other, and they do, with pleasure, in disguise of our human faces.

We warriors have our own enemies. We help each other in preparation and recovery, but never in our own fights.

Most of the time we don’t even see the enemies of others. For a long time, we struggle to notice our own. At the beginning of our training, the attackers are merely ghosts. Our Fortresses of Love are being destroyed in front of our very own eyes without us even realizing who or what is doing that and why. We rebuild the Fortresses, our sanctuaries, again and again, brick after brick, watering the gardens with our sweat, tears, and blood. We let Love in again, we make the Goddess feel comfortable and the cycle starts again.

After a while, something shifts in the air, a trick of the light, the pure Light, and the figures of our enemies start to come through. Now we’re not in the dark anymore. We fight, if need be, in unity with the Light glaring from our swords.

And the Light grows, it seeps through us. And our hearts grow, they beat with the rhythms of the Earth and the Cosmos.

You don’t have to look at the Sun to know it’s there. You can feel its warmth and you can see its light reflecting everywhere around you.

Love is the mother of Beauty, Kindness, Peace, Joy, Forgiveness, Gratefulness, Generosity, Curiosity, Honesty, Respect, Romance, Authenticity, Intimacy, to name a few most wonderful ones.

Love is worth fighting for.

I wake up from my daydream and breathe into myself and gather into the essence of my being all that I’ve seen in my vision. The demons are my own inner shadows, the struggles and challenges of my character. The Light is my faith. The Princess Warrior is my soul, the seeker and the guardian of Love.

We are all warriors, but not all of us know what we’re actually fighting for and against.

I come back to this reality and open my eyes. I put on my heart-shaped glasses and wander around the old Canterbury streets. I see them all around me. They smile back at me.

Deep inside we’re constantly training.

Above all else, to love.


Photos: Audra Bajori, Canterbury Castle.

Special thanks to Jonathan Hill for the camera work, the sword, and my happy heart.

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